Today's List

• Go to the post office
• Drop off water & sewer payments
• Take the boys for a haircut
• Clean the bathroom
• Laundry
• Dust
• Sweep, vacuum, & mop the floors
• FIll out my MOMS Club forms
• Get my Christmas quilt out of the closet & put it on the bed
• Go grocery shopping
• Water the plants
• Feed the fish
• Clean out the cat's litter pan
• Make a calendar for dad's Christmas present
• Get my meds refilled

I Plead Insanity

It is now 1:04 AM, Friday, November 27, 2009.  Why am I up so freaking late, the day after Thanksgiving?  It's not because I'm doing something fun but because I'm getting ready to go do my Christmas shopping.  I tried to go to bed at 7:30 PM and I had almost fallen asleep when Zach came in the room and asked if he could lay down with me.  I tried to fall back to sleep but laid in bed for an hour instead.  I've spent the past 4 hours playing Scramble on Facebook.  I've manged to beat my best score but I'm still only in fourth place.  I hate that game.

I'm going to several places this morning and it's really only because of one place that I'm even going out.  Old Navy is giving away copies of Lego Rock Band if you spend $20 in the store.  They open at 3 AM and copies of the game are limited so I want to get there right when they open.  I would go earlier but it's raining and friggin' cold outside.  I don't want the game that bad.  Although I guess I want it bad enough if I'm not sleeping because I really do like my sleep.  A lot.  They have shirts on sale for $5 each so I'm getting each of  the boys 2 shirts for Christmas.  I like Old Navy's clothes so it's all good.  And the boys want Lego Rock Band.  So do I. 

I'm also going to Wal-mart because they have pajamas on sale for $3 -- CHEAP!  I can get the boys a couple of pairs of PJs and a new coat for $7.  Meijer has a 500 piece lego set (not the brand name Lego, but the little block thingees that are like Legos and they're compatible with Legos and they get all over the carpet and there's always one that gets missed when they pick up and I step on it) for $10.  The boys have really been playing with their legos a lot lately so I figured this would be a good present for both of them.  Target has a Batman cave on sale for $35 and Xander has asked Santa for that.  This will be his big present from Santa.  I'm still not sure what Zach's big present will be.

The boys aren't getting a whole lot from us this year.  Really, they don't need a lot of toys but I feel bad because I can't get them everything they ask for.  Fortunately, they have awesome grandparents who ask Santa to stop at their house, too.

The cat just brought a worm into my bedroom and sat it on my foot.  I'm not wearing any shoes and it scared the crap out of me.  He gets them out of the garage because they crawl in there when it rains.  I've stepped on worms in the middle of the night a few times.  It's gross. /tangent

Thanksgiving turned out pretty nice.  My dad and step-mom decided to come over and have turkey with us.  We decided to put the turkey in the crockpot instead of the oven this year.  I started cooking it at 8:30 AM and it was done by 4:30 PM and it was nice and tender.  We had mashed taters, stuffing, corn, and my step-mom made chicken noodles & cherry pie.  Yum!  I'm proud of myself because I didn't over eat this year.  I had one plate and didn't go back for seconds and I had a reasonable slice of cherry pie.  But now we have leftovers. 

There really is no point to this blog.  I'm just blogging to waste time because I'm tired and I'm sick of playing that stupid game and I don't want to wait outside for the store to open.  I suppose I could wait in the car but I'm afraid I'll fall asleep.

Kthnxbye

Upcoming Events

I'm really looking forward to the next month and a half.  Not only am I excited about the holidays, but Aaron & I also have some fun things planned for just the two of us.  I'm super happy about that because our dates usually consist of dinner and a movie.  Don't get me wrong, I am grateful of even those moments alone, but it's nice to vary the routine.

We are going to the Starbase Indy Sci-Fi convention on Saturday, November 28th and we are planning on making a night out of it.  Aaron's mom is going to come over and spend the night with the boys so we're going to get a hotel room.  This is going to be so nice because not only are we spending time together, we don't have to worry about the normal day to day routines like putting the boys to bed or giving them a bath and we both get to sleep in the next morning.

On Friday, December 4th, we are driving down to Mitchell, IN to stay the night at The Whispers Estates, a haunted bed & breakfast.  We are going down there with my friends Matt (& maybe his wife, Rachelle) and Sarah.  Sarah is really into ghosts and paranormal stuff, so this should be a lot of fun.  And again, no bath or bed time fights and we both get to sleep in!!!

There the is the usual holiday excitement, of course.  I wasn't really feeling Halloween this year, for some reason.  I don't know if it didn't get cold enough or I didn't attend the requisite number of bon fires but it just wasn't very fun.  I am, however, ready for Christmas and I'm ready to put up the tree NOW!  We always get a real tree and I love the way my house smells like fresh pine for weeks (fake trees just smell dusty). 

We made pumpkin spice cookies yesterday and the smell of baking cookies was probably what triggered my holiday excitement.  My mom and I get together to make cookies every year and now thatthe boys are older they get to help, too.  We did take a few years off after Charlie passed but the boys' enjoyment of the season helps me to overcome the sadness.

I'm also kind of happy that we don't have to go anywhere for Thanksgiving.  I love being around Aaron's family and the drive to Ohio really isn't that far, but everything is so much easier when you can stay in your own home.  I'm going to cook a traditional Thanksgiving dinner for me, Aaron, & the boys but I don't have to worry about being on anyone else's time schedule.  My dad might come out to have dinner with us but it's still undecided right now.

In between Thanksgiving and Christmas are all the little things that I get to do with the boys, like going to see Santa Clause and story times at the library.  The stories & crafts that they get to do are always holiday themed and it just adds to the anticipation.

The Art Of Blogging

I've mentioned in a previous post that I blog because it gives me a place to vent without annoying my friends and family.  Well, I've put my figurative foot into my mouth again.  This time, I've managed to piss off Robbie because he considered the comments I made in this post to be unfair.  I made it sound like the only reason women are inferior in his game is because he's a misogynist and that he only picks on me. 

So to clarify previous statements made by me: Robbie likes to give everyone in the group a hard time.  As he said in his comment, "...I give the same crap to our Elf with demonic heritage (racism), our old little halfling (ageism), our effeminate fighter (only becuase he's a swashbuckler) and our foreigner monk."  He does this because he has a sense of humor and not out of hate.

I didn't say anything about his equal opportunity shit-giving because I had just finished playing that day and was simply focused on my own petty annoyances.  I also forgot to take into account that the character that was being sexist towards my character is from a group of people who regard women as property. It was set as their attitude by the creators of that particular D&D world, not by Rob.

I didn't bother to post a disclaimer here on this blog because honestly, I really didn't think I needed to.  I've had stuff I've said repeated back to my parents and it's ALWAYS taken out of context because they never get to read the whole story and they only get the interpretation of the person repeating what I wrote.  At one point, I almost got kicked out of the MOMS Club because of some stuff I had posted.  I hadn't said anything that was supposed to be confidential or that wasn't being said by anyone else but the higher ups didn't like it.  Fortunatly, the president at the time stuck up for me and I wasn't kicked out. 

That being said, I feel the need to make the following disclaimer:

This blog is a place for me to rant about whatever stupid little thing enters my brain.  It may not be important or intelligent but it means something to me.  I will never, ever post anything personal about my friends or family (except for Aaron, because as my husband, both he and our marriage are prime blogging fodder).  If I ever have a serious problem with someone, I will personally address it with that individual. 

I often blog before I think and what sounds funny to me is sometimes offensive to other people.  Sometimes I'm offensive on purpose because it's funny.  Sometimes I'm offensive (or funny) because I'm ignorant.  I'm always willing to take constructive criticism.  If you have a problem with something I wrote, leave a comment or email me but don't be a dick about it.  Unless, of course, I was being a dick when I posted it.  In which case, it was meant to offend you and I'm not going to listen to anything you say, anyway. 

Do The Evolution

I had the opportunity to hang out with Robbie and Eric on Saturday night.  During the course of the evening; amongst the drinking, Zack and Mirri Make a Porno, Rock Band, and Glee we managed to have some good conversation.  While talking about love and romance, Robbie made the comment that he thought homosexuality was nature's way of dealing with overpopulation.

Holy. Crap.

This comment makes so much sense, on so many levels that I'm suprised I've never heard it mentioned before.  When a forest becomes overgrown, fires are sparked during storms and this thins them out.  In nature, animals have predators to keep their populations under control (unless humans have destroyed the natural predators, in which case we have hunting season).  Humans have no natural predators, except each other.  We've mananged to make many diseases and viruses obsolete.

So what if homosexuality another way for nature - or God's way, if you wish - of introducing a population control in order to conserve our natural resources and preserve our planet?  We can't "cure" homosexuality with a pill or surgery and gay people can't be hunted by their "natural predator".

If you think about it, homosexuality is a much kinder and gentler way of controlling the population.  Starvation, murder, SIDS, war, and infertility are much more devistating to the human psyche than homosexuality could ever be.

The Negative Impact Of Owning A Uterus

Sometimes, being the only female gamer in a group of 3 - 6 people is kind of hard.  Don't get me wrong, being the only woman also has it's benefits; for instance, if we find a +5 chainmail bikini, I don't have to squabble with the other players over who gets to wear it.  But when role playing in a medieval fantasy setting, it's a pretty sure bet that the females are going to be treated as second class citizens.

Today, we were challanged by a group of thugs in an inn and the lead antagonist just so happened to be the owner of said inn.  I got the leader down to 0 hit points and our halfling took him into negative digits, so when we were asked who killed the thug, the halfling got the credit.  As a result, he took over ownership of the inn.  If I had, in fact, killed the thug I STILL would not have gotten the inn, because my character is female and I'm supposed to belong to a man.

I love my DM (dungeon master) to pieces.  He's a masterful storyteller, he's quick thinking to the point where he can take any of the little quirks we throw into the game and he's one of my best friends.  He's also a self professed misogynist who uses beautiful and powerful women to represent evil characters.  I can't help but wonder if his use of the archaic rules regarding women have anything to do with his misogyny.  I understand that during that time period, women really were regarded as property but this is a game and that view point can be changed.  It's not as if we're sticklers for historical accuracy, seeing as there is a high level of fantasy involved; i.e. dragons, magic, faries, demons, etc.

I don't consider myself a feminist by any means but my DM knows that I get frustrated by the limitations that this restricst my character to.  Half the time, I think he gets a kick out of doing it just to annoy me.  The only time women really have any place of power in the D&D game is when we play the drow game.  In the drow culture, women are considered superior and males are subordinate, but they are all so very, very evil.  I don't really like drow characters because you can't trust anyone in your party because you're all trying to usurp one another.

I haven't said anything to my group about the whole archaic sexism because the guys do sometimes play females and have to subscribe to the same rules and I have the option to play a male character and not have to deal with the sexism at all.  I also know that those views are strictly in the game and not directed at me, personally.  My DM might not like women but we get along just fine.  It's just annoying at times although I guess if it were that awful, I could always STFU and run my own game but that's never going to happen.

Thankful

When I blog, I have the bad habit of complaining about things.  I whine because we're broke or I'm depressed or the kids are pissing me off or I can't find my underpants.  I hate to piss in my loved ones' cornflakes, so I tend to take it out on my blog. 

And, well, let's face it, if I didn't have a place to vent, I'd probably drown my kids in a bathtub.  Ok.  That was tasteless, I admit it.  Put the phone down.  There's no need to call child protective services.  But it's sort of true.  Not the drowning my kids part, but about being negative to those around me.

So, in honor of the season of eating turkey and taking naps and watching football, I am going to be positive and list the things I am thankful for.

• I'm thankful that we don't have a lot of money, because it means we're eating all the food we already have, instead of skipping it over cause we don't really like it or we bought too much cause it was on sale and we're sick of it or my mother-in-law gave it to us cause she didn't like it
• I'm thankful when my boys are screaming at each other because it means they are healthy because they're only quiet when they're sick
• I'm thankful when my cat runs away because it means less poop in the litter box for me to clean up
• I'm thankful for a dirty house because it means I have to get off of my ass and quit playing Facebook games in order to keep it clean
• I'm thankful for homeless people because they remind me that I do have a house to live in, even if it's dirty
• I'm thankful for tomato(e)s because their death means I have spaghetti sauce for my noodles
• I'm thankful for my family because they won't call the cops when I yell at them, unlike a total stranger
• I'm thankful for vomit because if it wasn't gross, I'd be bulemic
• I'm thankful when I have migrane because it gives me an excuse to put the boys in front of the tv while I take a nap on the couch
• I'm thankful for being fat because when the Chinese launch their nukler missles at us and the world is destroyed and food is scarce, I'll have more to live off of
• I'm thankful for not finishing college and not having any marketable skills because it means I don't have to work
• I'm thankful for Randy & Robbie because they supply me with alcohol, enabling my blossoming alcoholism
• I'm thankful for 4th edition D&D because it's lameness just enforces the awesomeness of Pathfinder 3.75
• I'm thankful for all the expensive toy commercials that my boys are subjected to because it teaches them at an early age that life isn't fair when Santa doesn't bring them any of that shit

Baked Pizza Mac

I got this recipe from kraftfoods.com.  This is one of Xander's favorite meals.  It's quick, easy, and yummy!  I made it for dinner last night and I actually got Zach to eat some of it, too.  Zach is my picky eater, so for him to eat this, you know it has to be good.

• 1 can (8 oz.) pizza sauce, divided (I use spaghetti sauce) 
• 1 pkg. (7-1/4 oz.) KRAFT Macaroni & Cheese Dinner, prepared as directed on package
• 1 lb. extra lean ground beef, cooked, divided
• 1 egg, lightly beaten 1/2 tsp.
• dried basil leaves
• 1/4 tsp. garlic powder
• 1/2 cup KRAFT Shredded Mozzarella Cheese (I use a lot more than 1/2 a cup)

PREHEAT oven to 400°F. Remove and set aside 1/4 cup of the pizza sauce for later use. Combine prepared Dinner, two-thirds of the meat, the remaining pizza sauce, egg and seasonings.

SPOON evenly into 9-inch pie plate. Top with the remaining meat and reserved 1/4 cup pizza sauce; sprinkle with cheese.

BAKE 15 min. Let stand 5 min. before serving.

Alternate Lives

It's widely accepted in my Dungeons and Dragons group that if, by magic or some fluke of physics, we are ever transported to a D&D world, that I would probably be a fat kender or a pixy.  I can understand why they would believe this, because Kender (or the more common Halfling) is my favorite race to play. I love to be silly, chaotic, and childlike, and I love to eat.  I wouldn't mind being a halfling because they have such a carefree outlook on life.

However, I think I would actually be a witch.  This is based on going over my list of likes that I made when I was brainstorming.  I love candles, cats, the fall, pumpkins, plants, and magic.  Granted, I realize there is probably more to being a witch than those things but I think it's a good start.  I don't think I would mind cutting up dead animals to harvest spell components (no, I've never done that) or living in the middle of the woods by myself.

What would you be, if you were transported to an alternate realm full of magic and fantasy?

The Bear Went Over The Mountain...

...but did he apply for his green card first?  Or did he cross the border illegally?

I'm not 100% sure why anyone would cross the border illegally, unless they have a criminal background that prohibits them from coming over here. 

I just googled it and I guess one of the biggest problems that immigrants face is the availability of visas/green cards.  According to this website, there are only 66,000 visas available to unskilled workers a year and this availability has to be shared with every country, not just Mexico.  I'm not exactly sure how the whole system works but it seems like the potential immigrant has to already have an employer who will apply for this visa for them.  So why wait for a green card to work as a waiter when you can cross illegally?

Personally, I don't mind if people want to come to our country to live and work, I just wish they would do it legally.  They need to get a social security number, pay taxes, and be a part of the system like the rest of us.  On one hand, I can see the need to limit the amount of immigrants entering the country.  But on the other hand, if there were more green cards available then maybe people would be more willing to go through the proper channels to get here. 

I don't think that allowing immigrants into the country would take jobs away from citizens because, let's face it, most Americans consider it beneath them to work at McDonald's or to cut someone's grass.  Or could it be that more Americans are starting to think those jobs look pretty good once they loose their previous job and their unemployment runs out?   

My biggest point of contention is the illegals who steal social security numbers so that they can live here.  When I worked at the mortgage company, we would have bad loans where the borrowers, most often of South American descent, had applied for the loan with a stolen social security number.  And instead of prosecuting that borrower, the mortgage company would just deny the loan.  When I asked why we didn't prosecute I was told that, "it's part of their culture and we could potentially be sued for discrimination."

It really is a very complicated issue.  Natasha Fondren, a blogger who has taken her writing on the road, thinks that if we all had a loved one who wanted to immigrate into the country, our immigration laws would be a lot different.  I agree with this statement very much.  Human beings are very passionate about things that mean something to us and we tend to turn a blind eye on things that we know very little about or that we don't understand.

Would the world be a better place if everyone could view their fellow humans with compassion?  Yes.  But I think what it comes down to is that even with our opposable thumbs and our computers/cars/cell phone/etc., we are still animals, each and every one of us, regardless of race or sex.  I think our insensitivity to others is a coping mechanism.  It doesn't make it right but it's how we deal with the animalistic aspect of our nature.

Crap-On-A-Stick

I tried uploading a new blog template and it's fucked everything up, hence the fugly blog design.  It's installed a new page element that I can't remove and it's messed up the time stamp, etc.  I don't know how to fix it yet and I may just have to delete everything and start over.

Update 1: Got things mostly back to where I had them.  That's the last time I'll try to use a pre-fab free blogger template that I find on the web.  Jerks.

Update 2: While pondering an actual blog design, instead of just changing headers & link colors, I think that if I want to edit the actual layout of this blog, I'm going to have to switch to the classic template.  This means that I won't be able to use the nifty page elements.  It's not a big deal because I can still put most of that stuff on the blog, I just have to do it manually and I'm lazy.  Does anyone else know of an easier way? 

Tough Times

"I hate those people who love to tell you

Money is the root of all that kills

They have never been poor

They have never had the joy of a welfare christmas"

-Everclear, I Will Buy You A New Life

I hate that song but it was playing on the radio the other day and those lyrics got stuck in my head.  Times are tough right now and I think a lot of people are having a hard time, although they're ashamed to admit it.  I'm ashamed to admit it.  We have no money.  There I said it.

I feel like I'm on the edge of throwing up all the time.  We have a roof over our heads and food in our bellies, but it doesn't take much to take that all away.  I had to ask the MOMS Club to waive my annual membership fee this year.  It's only $20, but it's money that I don't have.  I was so embarrassed to have to ask them to do that, too.  And the boys are basically going to school for free right now because I can't afford to pay their tuition.  I offered to work in exchange but they haven't taken me up on that offer yet.  I have to go through the boys' piggy banks for change so that I can buy them milk. 

Christmas is coming up and every commercial on tv is some expensive toy that they want.  I have to grit my teeth and smile, telling them that they have to ask Santa but knowing that they won't be getting it.  I don't really ever remember being disappointed at Christmas because I didn't get something that I asked for when I was little.  We didn't have a lot of money when I was growing up but it always seemed like we had everything we needed and most of what we wanted.  Now I know it's because my mom went without to make sure we got what we needed.

I haven't bought new bras or underwear in almost a year.  I was down to wearing sports bras because my other bras fell apart and I only had 6 pairs of undies left.  I was constantly having to do laundry so that I would have clean panties.  I bought a pack of underwear for $9.50 and a $14.99 bra at Wal-mart on my anniversary and I was so happy to have it.  Now I wish I hadn't, because I could've left that money in the bank for bills.

I ran out of my anti-depressant prescription this morning and I don't know when I'll be able to get it refilled again.  I have to go to court in a few weeks because I had a car get repossesed a few years ago.  It was after Zach was born and Aaron had been laid off from work.  He hadn't worked in months and we couldn't afford to keep paying for my car.  I am scared because I don't know what is going to happen.  I can't pay them back because we have no money.  Can they send me to jail for that?

I have been looking for a job but no one is hiring, not even Wal-mart or McD's.  Even if I found a job, the court would probably take it to pay for that damn car and I'd still have to pay a babysitter for the boys and gas to get back and forth to work.

I go to bed at night and fantasize about being rich and owning a big house and being able to buy the boys whatever they want.  I know that I need to live in the present and appreciate what I have now.  I know that I need to be thankful that we do still have a roof over our heads and food in our bellies and that my boys are still getting an education and we have health insurance in case we get really sick.  But I can't help but focus on the negatives.

Brain Farts

First, I want to post this youtube video because it's funny and it goes along with the title of this blog.

Now, with that out of the way...

I don't remember where I picked up my technique for brainstorming.  It could've been in my high school creative writing class or maybe it was one of my college art classes.  Regardless, what I do is create a central concept and then try to list all the traits of that concept that I can think of.  Then I focus on one trait and create around that.  You can pull secondary traits in to add depth, but the main focus should be on one trait.

So, my central concept is me, because this is my blog and it should represent my interests.  Then I listed all of the things that I like and even some things that I don't like, just to make it interesting.  Therein lies the problem.  I love playing D&D, being a mom, reading, etc.  But I don't want to represent just ONE of those aspects of my personality.  This isn't just a gaming blog or a mommy blog.  I blog about anything and everything that catches my attention. 

So how do I reflect that in my blog design?

And just because my screen name/alter ego is "Kathulhu" doesn't mean I'm obsessed with Cthulhu or tentacoo wape or anything like that.  In fact, I'm kind of getting tired of the whole "kitty with tentacles" thing.  The only reason I put that header up yesterday was because I was able to make those in Photoshop and I was proud of them.

This is why I didn't finish my degree as a graphic designer.  I tend to get overwhelmed in the details and I don't know how to focus on one.  I like the "simpler is better" approach but I just don't know how to get there.  I could just pick a color and design around that but it's boring!!!  I feel like I should have a well designed blog because I can envision one.  But I can't pull it out of my brain and put it onto paper on the computer.

I know that I'm probably my own worst critic but damn it, I want to like what I create and not see a big ol' pile of crap when I look at it (poop was under my dislikes, by the way).

I guess it's back to the drawing tablet for me.

Mix CD - 11/5/09

I'm kind of in a mellow mood so this mix cd reflects that.

Sia - Under The Milky Way

Au Revoir Simone - Shadows

Starsailor - Tell Me It's Not Over

Emilie Simon - Alicia

Dragonette - Pick Up The Phone

Hooverphonic - Renaissance Affair

Vivaldi - Concerto In G

Bat For Lashes - Horse and I

Wintersleep - Archaeologists

Doves - Jetstream

Snow Patrol - Lifeboats

Fauxliage - Magic

The Black Ghosts - Full Moon

Portishead - Mysterons

Massive Attack - Small Time Shoot 'em Up

Oren Lavie - Her Morning Elegance

The Pains of Being Pure At Heart - The Tenure Itch

The Killers - A Dustland Fairytale

Lykke Li - Tonight (New Version)

Today's Agenda

• Go to the post office
• Straighten the house
• Take DVD's back to the library
• Make myself a mix cd
• Brainstorm ideas for a blog layout
• Go to the bank
• Go to Rob's house to play Rock Band
• Keep the kids entertained so they don't trash the house
• Blog about vampires
• Organize my twitter lists

Update: This should reflect where my priorities lay :)  I will be going to Rob's house later so while it's not crossed off yet, it will be done!  And I had the DVD's in my car to take back but I realized that I forgot to put one of the discs back into the case.  So I should get credit for trying!  They're not due back until tomorrow, anyway.

Blog Design

It's not great but it's a start.  Yes, those pink things at the top are supposed to be tentacles.  I made them in Photoshop.  I took the twitter widget off of the blog because the new widgets are big and chunky and until I can figure out how to streamline it (translation: until I can get Aaron to look at it), it's not on here.

I want to open up the html and actually edit the template itself but I need to walk away from the computer right now because I'm getting frustrated.  I have a picture in my head of what I want the template/design to look like but it's not turning out the way I visualize it.  Probably because I don't know what the hell I'm doing.  Grrrrr.

So. Walking away from the computer now or I might put my shoe through the monitor.

Update: I figured out how to get the twitter stream to show up nicely, using the nifty blogger gadgets that you can add via the page elements!

New Beginnings

My domain, kathulhu.com, has expired. Rather than spend the money to renew it, I've decided to utilize the free resources available to me. Same name, different location. I plan on updating the look and feel of my blog over the next couple of days. As long as I remain motivated. And if you've been a follower of my blogging, you'll know that I don't stay motivated for long. Wish me luck & remember to update your bookmarks!!!